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Some things I have learned while being pregnant

So here are a few things I have come to realize since becoming pregnant….

At 22 weeks now I have learned

1. Never underestimate the power of a good nap

– A good nap can mean the difference between pleasant and becoming a crazy howler monkey when you are pregnant. Never pass up the chance to take one. Even if it is a short cat nap. It doesn’t matter what trimester you are in growing a tiny human is super hard work. So for everyone who is not pregnant please remember that and thank your mom as well as be super extra nice to that pregnant lady and probably her husband too…. cause trust me he is suffering (more on that later)

2. Hormones be cray cray

– One minute you will be fine the next bam you have undergone a complete and total personality make over. This can be crying, happy, sad, or my husband’s personal favorite crazy psycho B*%&h. It doesn’t matter what it is, it can set you off. I no longer watch Animal Planet or The Discovery Channel, because I cry every stinking time. 

3. Rational thoughts and actions become a thing of the past.

– See above post this links with all those cray cray hormones. 

4. If you eat my food I bought just for me out of the fridge, pantry, etc. I will cry and then will CUT you

– See above post for explanation and proceed to #1 for a cure

5. Your body is no longer your own

– I woke up one day and BAM my boobs are huge. Then another day they have changed color. My belly is massive. I can’t see my toes. I hate foods I have always loved and vice versa. This can really aggravate those mood swings and hormones.

6. My husband is totally suffering too

– Although I don’t realize I am doing it all the time, I know I am driving my husband CRAZY! I mean really he has got to have the patience of Job to put up with me most of the time. So remember that and next time you see one of those men “behind the belly” be extra nice to him, buy him a beer, or dinner, etc. Chances are he needs it 🙂

7. That being said…. Guys just don’t get it

– As my Hubby said recently “I know it’s an inconvenience and all but being pregnant can’t really be all that hard.” After he picked up most of his teeth and removed his balls from his abdomen (just kidding) I politely explained to him that… I have been inhabited by a cute lil alien that has taken over my body and it is no longer my own, My back hurts, my boobs hurt and leak now oh yay! I can’t see my toes. I have to pee all the time, seriously I know where every bathroom is. I am swollen and bloated. I have gas that would make a teenage boy blush. My lady parts have betrayed me. Thank God the nausea is finally gone. I have a fire poker down my throat daily. Oh and don’t forget that my beautiful brilliant brain I have always been so proud of is now MUSH!!! I do good to remember my name. I don’t know how I make it through work every day. To which he replies “But you get to feel Him move all the time, I will never fell that.” Yes that is AMAZING and makes all the other worthwhile, but even that carries it’s own set of problems….

8. Baby movements, cute and cuddly and sweet until….

– Oh how I waited to feel my sweet AJ move. His 1st movements were tiny flutters, progressing to occasional jabs, now to constant pokes, and rolls all day. I love it. That being said sometimes it ain’t so sweet. Like when I am trying to be stern or firm with some and he starts his little wiggle dance, I can’t help but smile. His movements can be distracting and when you already have mush brain, you can really look like an idiot when this happens. NOT TO MENTION that my bladder is now his trampoline, my kidneys his speed bags, and my ribs his trapeze.

 

But really ya’ll I love every minute of being pregnant!!!!!

 

MORE TO COME LATER…. stay tuned 🙂

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Check up

We went for our check up at the doctor yesterday. I was 7 weeks and 4 days yesterday. Everything looks wonderful. We even got to see and hear the baby’s heart rate. It was a healthy 156. I’m over the moon about this. It was about this time in my pregnancy last time that things went south. I feel so much more calm now. I really believe that God blessed us with this pregnancy. I have full faith this is going to be a healthy and happy baby. Tony finally seems really excited too. I guess the reality that he is going to be a daddy again finally set in when he heard that heartbeat. Here are some pictures of our sweet little Peapod I can’t believe how much she/he has grown in the last two weeks. We go back for our next visit in four weeks. As long as they can hear the baby on the Doppler I won’t have another ultrasound until 20 weeks when we find out the sex of the baby. It is going to be so hard to wait that long. I’ve done a few gender prediction tests such as the ring test, the heart rate test, and Chinese gender prediction test; all say GIRL!!! Plus I have a ton of morning/all day sickness, which again says girl! And I look like crap, which the old wives tale says girl, because she is stealing all your beauty 😉 I’ll be happy whatever it is as long as it is healthy! I can’t believe I am FINALLY going to be a MOMMY!!!!

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so here’s the story

I have thought for a long time about sharing our story, the good, the bad, and the ugly; and I think it is time.

I knew that I wanted kids since I was a little girl, I always said I want to be a Mommy when I grow up. In February of 2012 I had met my Prince Charming, and I couldn’t wait to settle down and start our family.

When you are young you try hard not to get pregnant. Everyone makes it seem like it’s the easiest thing to do; that if you even so much look at a penis you’ll immediately become pregnant! Oh, if only it were that easy!

We began “casually” trying May or June of 2012. We weren’t all in at that point, but it wouldn’t have upset us if we did get pregnant. In the Fall of 2012 we found out that I had cervical cancer. My OBGYN said we should get busy on trying to start our family “just in case”. Nothing much has ever progressed of this. I have had several biopsies and it has stayed stable, so we have watched and waited.

I really count that November as when we started to early try. Several months in no luck. I had been doing BBT, OPKs, checking my cervix (www by the way), and countless herbal supplements. Finally I asked my Doc for a little bit of help. She put me on Clomid. OH BOY! That was one emotionally roller coaster I (nd my hubby I’m sure) would just like to forget. After about 3 months of this at max dosages we decided it might be time to go see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Thus began our long journey with the actual diagnosis of INFERTILITY.

I was devastated to say the least. I felt like I wasn’t a real woman because I couldn’t have a baby. That was only the beginning of the heart break.

Month after month, being poked, prodded, and violated 2 or more times a week; taking pills and injections, all we still saw were big fat NEGATIVES. I became more and more depressed. I began to lose my faith. My husband didn’t understand. I began to resent him for the 2 children he already had, telling him he would never understand because he had already had the miracle of being a parent. I began to pull away from him, from my step children, my friends, I didn’t want to be around anyone. My one saving grace through all this was an amazing group of ladies I had found online.

Then the big blow came. After our 4th or so IUI, my RE told me that the tests he had sent off to Mayo Clinic had come back, and it looked like not only were my ovaries half the size the should be (so ya all that swelling with the Clomid really was OHSS) I didn’t have enough eggs. We would most likely never get pregnant on our own, if even ever. He said IVF was not an option for me as I didn’t really respond well to the meds used to induce ovulation. I was absolutely devastated. I decided we needed a break; honestly I had just given up.

By this point I was really depressed. I had gain 40+ pounds. My marriage was in the toilet. I had become reclusive. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. All my friends were pregnant it seemed. My faith was gone.

Then some happened. Later that month I just didn’t feel right. I laughed and though maybe I am pregnant, Knowing that there was such a slim chance that it could happen. Low and behold when I peed on that magic stick it was right there….after 18 months of trying… I WAS PREGNANT!

I was over the moon. I just couldn’t believe it. How did this happen. We told everyone right away. My RE decided to follow me since it had taken us so long to get there. I had my 1st ultrasound at 5 weeks and 2 days and everything was right on track. At 6 weeks I had another, still looking good. Then at 7 weeks the baby hadn’t grown much, but there was a heartbeat! I was assured that we must have just miscalculated dates since we were “no longer trying” and that there was nothing to worry about, I was scheduled to come back in 4-5 days for a repeat. When I went in that morning I went alone as it was just a routine recheck. We began looking and baby had not grown and it’s heart rate had slowed down considerably. I was told to go home and rest and hydrate. I had been sick the week before so maybe it was all tied together. I would come back in 4 days and see what things looked like then. At 8 weeks and 2 days I found out that my precious miracle was gone. No heart beat. I was scheduled for a D&C later that week.

The miscarriage really took a toll on me. I hated everyone. I didn’t want to look at a baby or hear about someone being pregnant. What little faith I had when I got pregnant was completely gone. My marriage was spiraling out of control. There was a lot of fighting. I was spiraling out of control, into a dark place, farther and farther down the rabbit hole. I could no longer see the light.

I began going to a faith based counseling center. Having a third party to talk to really helped. I began reading my Bible again, I reached out to my friends that had a strong relationship with God and asked them for help. Finally I began to pray again. Finally I began to heal.

I began to look at what I already had and focus on being happy with that. I worked on being a better wife for my husband, a better mother to my step children, and a better friend to everyone who had stood by me through the darkness even though I had pushed them away. I was so blessed to have the love and support of family and friends through this time. I decided that if God blessed us with a baby, then it would be on His time and in His plans, not necessarily ours.

I didn’t really want to be intimate in the months following my miscarriage. My Dr. didn’t want me to “accidentally” get pregnant until at least 2mos had passed. I was fine with that. I had other things to focus on now.

I had a normal cycle in January; then we got snowed in 😉 I just knew I was pregnant after that. I would have only been 1-3 DPO, but I just knew. I remember telling my husband I thought I was. He looked at me like I was CRAZY. And why shouldn’t he. I had just finally started acting a little normal again. I had just started a new job closer to home with less stress. A baby was not in the plans right now.

Still I knew. I could just feel it. Like someone had whispered it on my heart. I began holding my belly, praying everyday. I had found a website that had prayers for infertility and a healthy early pregnancy, it became my daily routine.

I saw my 1st faint positive at 7dpo. My husband thought I was nuts, but I knew it was there. I kept testing everyday watching it get darker. Indeed I was pregnant with my Rainbow Baby.

I am more scared this time than before, but I have this strange calming peace this time. I know God is with me. I know now he will not give me more than I can handle.

I sit here writing this tonight at 7 weeks and 3 days. Tomorrow I go for another ultrasound. I am nervous. This is when my last pregnancy began to go bad. Logically everything looks better this time. My labs are all higher and even my 1st ultrasound looked better, healthier.

I hope that everyone reading this can gain something from it. Mostly if you are suffering from infertility, DON’T GIVE UP!!! God’s plan is perfect for you. It may not be what you originally wanted, but it will be the best thing in the world.